A lot of deep soul-searching has been taking place in me lately. Grieving will do that to you. You assess everything in new eyes.
What Pepperoni's passing did to both me and my husband was hit us in a very vulnerable and personal space. We've had Pepperoni almost our entire married lives. Our 20 year anniversary will be the end of next month and we got Peps 2 years into our marriage....he symbolizes that early special time when we were newly weds and has been with us through-out all of our ups and downs. Having him gone means anything can be taken from us even each other and that's scary. It's like losing your innocence and sense of safety in the world.
So whenever I'm in deep pain I search deeper and look for the lessons and the gifts. The video above shows us that the heart has an electro-magnetic field from what I understand of up to 6 feet. And it's stronger than the electrical currents that are sent by the brain.
Pepperoni used to lay on my chest...it's been said when newborns are first born, laying them on a mother's chest helps strengthen their own electrical heart beat current since their hearts are close to their mother's hearts.
I am reading a very interesting book called Positive Addictions. Basically, it's saying that we are strengthened by positive addictions like running and meditation and weakened by negative additions like drug, alcohol, food and smoking which dull our senses and creativity.
The reason these positive additions strengthen us is because they put us in an altered state of consciousness where we lose sense of self and that takes us out of the here and now and brings us in alignment with our creativity and "flow". Self-criticism is the opposite of this state and constricts us. We get plenty of that in our environments and it can tear us down and weaken us.
The reason I find this book so fascinating is because Pepperoni had that affect on me. It's been said that pets calm us down and lower our blood pressure. I had a daily "meditation" with Peps, in fact, it was like he insisted on it and he was probably put in my life to teach me this....to slow down, relax, get back into the moment...and, most importantly, he accepted and loved me unconditionally even more than I love myself. Whatever had happened, whomever had rejected me, there was this loyal friend that reminded me that I was okay no matter what and everything would turn out.
Now that that's gone, I realize that I need substitutes. Sure, my other cats are stepping up to the plate; Pesto and Rigatoni have been way more lovey lately, but the book says it's important that these positive addictions be something that we can do ALONE such as running or meditating. We need to learn to self soothe and create pathways in our brains of how to calm down, quiet the inner critic and relax.
All of this not only affects our health, but dramatically affects our happiness and success in life. So, this was the gift that Pepperoni brought into my life. It is a great one and I am deeply grateful.
I am starting on a new journey of self-discovery and endeavoring to eliminate self-criticalness. I intend to incorporate at the minimum of one hour a day to myself in the form of either running or meditation that is completely NON-COMPETITIVE and just free based. No goals or aims, just being.
I realize I have way too much structured time in my life and am way too rigid and focused sometimes. We all need time to just "be" with no expectations or goals, but allow our minds to go with the flow and decompress.
In that state is acceptance and replenishment. And we get back in touch with the truth of who we are outside of the chatter. We find creative solutions to life's challenges and we find out what we are capable of. New ideas come to us and we let go of other's negative judgments of us and find the joy of being part of a bigger purpose.
I feel animals help role model for us this way of being if we only listen and learn from them. They are forever in the moment and hardly ever exhibit any kind of self-consciousness.
I'm constantly amazed at the growth that emerges in my life and the new directions I take. It's forever fascinating, challenging, frequently scary and often amazing.
I will keep you posted as all of this unfolds......as always, it promises to be interesting. :)
And with that, I leave you a very insightful story regarding the heart and tone of voice:
"Why We Shout In Anger"
A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled 'n asked.
'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'
'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' asked the saint
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, .
'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.
What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other 'n that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
He looked at his disciples and said.
'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.